There are two things that I love in life... writing and helping people. So it only comes naturally to start an advice blog. I feel like i've been through hell and back in the short time of the past few years, but I pulled myself together and the one thing that I wish I had when I was going through everything was somebody to guide me through the really hard times. So the least I could do is give other people somebody to lean on when it seems like they're about to fall. I also have a knack of being bluntly honest which helps me come up with more substance than "i'm sorry" and "everything is going to be ok". So since I have no followers or viewers right now, i'll start with a few situations that my friends have asked for help with. Most of my best advice usually occurs when i'm asked about relationship problems so that is where i'll start. Oh and I should tell you that I am gay and most of these problems stem from other gay men. That isn't to say I wouldn't give advice to women or about women, but let's face it... I know men backwards and forwards.
The other day my friend came to me about a relationship he recently entered. His boyfriend had recently used his computer to look at facebook and left his account logged in. Well the next day when my friend checked the facebook website he discovered this and noticed he had a new message. Being a little insecure, he opened the message box and found a message along the lines of "nice talking to you last night, here's my number". Now we all know it's wrong to go snooping and the right thing to do would have been to log out of his account, but i'm willing to bet that most people would have read what was in the inbox. Of course, hardly anybody would admit to this fact, but we are all human after all and I have heard this little situation of logged in accounts more than once... and it ends the same every time. In fact, that's how I found out that my ex had been cheating on me.
Anyways, he asked me what it means and what he should do about it...
Now the question that needed to be asked was how his boyfriend was treating him throughout the relationship because no matter how easy it is to jump to conclusions, the important thing is to take a step back and look at the entire picture instead of focusing on this one incident and nothing else. I have done this and trust me, you feel like a complete idiot when there is a simple explanation that could have been seen had you just taken a deep breath before dealing with it.
He then told me about how his boyfriend was taking him home to meet his parents and from what I remember the most sincere thing was how my friend's grill broke so his boyfriend actually drove to home depot and bought a new grill just so they could grill out.
Now, my friend's problem was his past. He has been cheated on and hurt so many times that he has drilled it into his head that most men will probably hurt him. The thing that I tried to really emphasize was that you will never be happy if you let the past determine your future. I feel the only thing that is important about the past is to learn from the mistakes you have made. So to put great emphasis on events that have happened to you so long ago is nothing but a hindrance to your future.
I told him if you don't want your ex to hurt you any more and if you want to be successful at future relationships, then no matter how hard it is, you have to stop thinking about what he did to you. Easier said than done, I know, but if I can forget the fact that my first time having sex ended up with me being raped and start trusting guys again, then I really can't see why anybody couldn't overcome something that an ex has done to you. It takes time, yes, but it can be done. The thing you have to do, every time you start thinking about the past, is picture your future... picture yourself with an amazing guy... imagine your life happy, together forever.
The thing is, if you have the idea of every relationship is going to fail running through your head at all times, you're going to set yourself up for failure. Your brain is actually going to subconsciously find a way to screw everything up because if things aren't going the way your brain thinks they should go, it's going to automatically correct it.
So what he should do is take a step back and instead of focusing on one bad thing, he should look at everything good and bad, and this will reveal his true character and intentions. More than likely, the guy said hi to him at the club when the two of them were together since his boyfriend never left his side that night, and then found him on facebook and decided to say hi. The problem is my friend is letting his past try to ruin his current relationship.
I told him he needs to give him a chance to actually do something bad before assuming that something bad is going to happen. This assuming is just his brain's way of making the idea of "men kind of suck" become a reality.
